daisymae (daisymae1) wrote,

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Possible Trigger-My answer to "should you tell you were sexually abused as a child?"

Here it is,the deep dark part of me. There is more,but not ready to share,even on an anonymous journal. After this,we will return to my normal goofy self. I'm just in a mood to purge a bit,finally after 30+ years. This post is For your eyes only,LJ. No one else comes here,unless it's by accident! :0D

Chrissee,I'm sorry you went through that experience. I wish you had an easy decision to tell or not. Abusers are really good at making us feel afraid or too ashamed to tell. That's why so many of them get away with doing hurtful things,sometimes to many people,for many years. They use guilt,love,intimidation and fear to brainwash us into keeping silent.

In second-third grade,we had a family with a teenage boy who moved in next door. He had a super 8 camera,and said he liked making movies. He befriended myself and my best friend at the time. Traumatic story made short,Somewhere out there are movies and photos of the two of us. He would have us twirl around in our dresses with no underwear,and sometimes with no shirts,etc. neither one of us has ever told anyone. We live in separate states now,but sometimes we talk about, "remember that creepy kid that lived in the house between ours? Wonder if that stuff is floating around somewhere?"

I'll never tell my parents. They are elderly,and I feel ok to let them leave this earth with my big-ass secret intact. Sometimes,if I think about it,I get angry,and the kid in me thinks, "how did you not know?? How could you not know? And why did you think it was ok for me to spend time at the home of a high school boy when I was 9???" But,I mostly stuff it in a little box in my brain,and shut the lid,padlock it away.

Just remember,a secret once told,can never be unknown. It's up to you if this is a good or bad thing for you. I wish you the best outcome for your healing,whatever you decide to do!

So,there it is. The part of me that I keep locked up good and tight.
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